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Ranting about every single SSBU character - Day 36 : Sonic
Keep in mind that this is not a serious post, I am not directing this at anybody, this is just for fun and to relieve the immense amount of salt I've accumulated.
Day 36 : Sonic
Ever since I began this series, everyone's been looking forward to when I finally reached Sonic. I toyed with the idea of simply putting "blueballs go brrr" but I'm not that cruel.
So, yes, welcome to the Sonic rant.
What is the purpose of speed in a fighting game? If you look at traditional fighters like SF, it's a pretty small arena and there's only so much you can do to keep your distance. But then you've got games like Smash, where you've got a big stage, platforms, basically a lot of space so maneuverability plays a greater role.
Next, we look at what speedy characters generally play like. Famous ones are C. Falcon, Little Mac, Fox, ZSS to name a few, and you'll realise that they constantly chase the opponent to combo or hit them. A rushdown, or aggressive playstyle, if you will.
"Wow" I hear you thinking, "this means that a high speed character would be one who rushes down the most, right? Going by the data presented?"
Well, no, you're mistaken. Through years of research, commitment, through litres of blood, sweat, and tears, we've finally gotten a speed character who took the rush out of rushdown. A fast fighter that doesn't fight. And his name is Sonic.
Or as a good friend of mine (who mains him) would say, Sonic? More like Static
Sonic players are by default single, because they shy away from commitment like a traumatized horse in a warzone. Of course they like playing him. You never have to actually commit to any of the moves you're doing, since everything allows you to run in, tickle the other guy's nipples and sprint away before they so much as feel the tingling.
Sonic is about the most autopilot character you can find in Smash. Worse still, in a game which takes pride in expressing a character very well, there's really no moves that are interesting about Sonic, which I suppose reflects a lot on all his non-fanmade games.
Jab, Ftilt, Fsmash, Dtilt, Dsmash, are all the most generic moves I've seen on a character, and their plainness is even more exaggerated when the character is an icon. You could put these moves on Mii Brawler and I wouldn't be able to tell you where you pulled those moves from.
But that is not even close to the unholy sin that is the side B/down B fiasco.
Since the days of Smash 4 (when I actually started engaging with the plebs who play Smash) I've observed many discussions about this. Most people argue that it's the same damn move, while Sonic mains and their occasional allies beleaguer message boards with the insistence that it isn't.
My conclusion (and this is an opinion, keep it in your pants, Sonic mains) is that it's the same move, because it serves the same purpose. Sure, they behave slightly differently, they combo into slightly differently, but the fact remains that two of Sonic's tools serve the exact same purpose, which is to bust the opponent's balls. Because of the limit to options, he can do the same moves 2 different ways. And because they're so good, especially online where the input lag is longer than some tournaments, Sonic players are going to keep using them. I spend the entire day in college going deaf from hearing dental rotors, and I come home to play Smash and I hear the same thing.
Hell, I wouldn't even mind the the constant whirring if it were punctuated with anything else, but it's become that situation where one move simply dwarves the rest. Sonic players just refuse to play any other way. And because some degenerate filthbag decided they needed to be able to jump out of it, too, Sonic can simply leap out of danger if they figure out you're going to punish it. It's just absolutely non-commital, any less commitment and it would be Sweden during the World Wars.
Homing Attack is also a frustrating move to deal with, because it's , well, homing, and they can hold the charge, and it's unpunishable by shields and counter. Also, it makes Sonic look like a possessed tumor. Not that it's really relevant, it just passes through my mind every time I see this move.
Spring Jump's recovery is fine, I don't know why they're allowed to act out of it, but the main use for this is the edgeguarding, because all he has to do is sprint off the ledge and up B. And he can do this multiple times. Not only that, the knockback allows for stage spikes too, which, good luck teching that online.
Even onstage it's useful since he can instantly chase you into the air and try to clap you with his thighs, which is an image I'm sure most Sonic mains have seen somewhere on r34.
And as I write about his aerials, I feel my energy drain. What do you want me to say? It's generic. It's the blandest they could've possibly made it. They made a racing game character that you don't even see outside of his car have more personality than Sonic. Fucking bara fire cat somehow managed to ooze charisma, while Sonic is that unflavoured wheatcake that's just there to complete the snackbasket. I'm not even a Sonic fan, but three games to diversify his moveset a bit and there's literally no change? You could make Villager, a fucking sleepy homeowner, so many unique moves that reference his home games and fit his playstyle, and you went ahead and gave him a move twice? I'm not going to pretend like I have suggestions to replace Sonic's existing moves, but you don't need to be a pilot to tell when the plane's on fire.
But you know what really pisses me off? The players.
It's all those really shitty players who need some character with literally zero risk, ultra rewards gameplay. They honestly don't find Smash fun, but they'll deny that. They play Sonic because they want results. They play Sonic in exactly one style, because it's the only way they'll ever stop losing. They'll play till timeout, because don't want to play a fighting video game for, fun, or friendly competition, no, no. They play for that victory, that win screen, that small endorphins burst that lets them go home and not cry themselves to sleep. Smash doesn't matter to them. Winning does. Dignity doesn't matter. Triumph does.
You can't save them. It's too late.
You're too slow
Index of the previous rants
Upcoming VR Games for 2020 and Beyond
|Grapple Tournament (5 Nov, 2020) MultiplayeFPS|
|Grapple Tournament is a VR Arcade Shooter for adrenaline-packed vertical combat. Enjoy 3D movement freedom with your grappling hook and dual wield multifunctional weapons.|
|House Flipper VR (5 Nov, 2020) Simulation/Building|
|Virtual makeovers were never more real! Thanks to the VR technology, you will be able to single-handedly take care of ruined properties, gaining your clients' appreciation and satisfaction from a job well done! Put on your goggles, take a firm grip on the controllers and become a master of renovation!|
|Fates Call: A New Beginning (9th Nov, 2020) Adventure/RPG|
|Fates Call: A New Beginning a new VR Fantasy RPG You are Talos, a hero that has been awaken by ancient ghosts save the world once again. Evil forces are plotting against peace, you need to stop them before it's too late. Explore the world of Fates Call today !|
|The Edgar Mitchell Overview Effect VR Experience (9 Nov, 2020) Experience/Space Sim|
|The Edgar Mitchell VR experience invites the world to join the Apollo 14 Astronaut on his mission to the Moon and into his most intimate moment of connection to life itself. As we journey through space, we will hear Edgar’s voice guide us through the dissolving of any and all boundaries within our consciousness to the universal...|
|HINGE: Episode 1 (27 Nov, 2020) HorroCinematic/Survival|
|HINGE is a VR horror taking place in a nightmarish building filled with high-quality graphics and sound effects. The game creates an environment of suspense as you struggle for survival in an oppressive atmosphere of horror that chases you wherever you go.|
|Aripi (Nov 2020) Cinematic/Adventure|
|"Aripi" is an exciting adventure about an astronaut forgotten in orbit and his dream that unexpectedly came true.|
|Medal of Honor: Above and Beyond (11th Dec, 2020) Action/FPS May not support WMR|
|Take the fight to war-torn Europe in Medal of Honor: Above and Beyond. The franchise returns to its roots complete with a deep single-player campaign, multiplayer modes, and powerful interviews with survivors and veterans of the Second World War.|
|Royale Archer VR (Dec 2020) Action/Strategy|
|Use your bow to defeat the enemy and challenge the harder stage with summoning allies, setting traps, and using magic!|
|Crunch Element: VR Infiltration (December 2020) Action/Physics/Shooter|
|Blast through destructible compounds and detonate physics-based explosives in VR! Take cover as debris, lead, and lasers whiz past your head and prepare to return fire!|
|Steel Crew (2020) Online PvP/Tanks/WWII|
|Join a Tank as a Driver, Gunner or Commander and team up with and against other Tanks in Tank Vs Tank combat where tactics and communication is key|
|Vertigo 2 (2020) Action/Adventure|
|Vertigo 2 is a single-player VR adventure. Explore the depths of the vast Quantum Reactor as you descend to finish your journey home.|
|Blunt Force (2020) Action/Adventure/WWII|
|Blunt Force is a thrilling VR WW2 game that follows two parallel storylines before and during the war. Both storylines will converge in an thrilling conclusion that will propel the player into the next episode.|
|Ven VR Adventure (2020) PlatformeAdventure|
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|Ancient Dungeon VR (Late 2020) RPG/Action|
|Ancient Dungeon VR is a rogue-lite dungeon crawler with randomly generated dungeons. Uncover its secrets and challenge powerful bosses.|
|Dash Dash World (Q4 2020) Combat Racing Available on Oculus now|
|Drive, Shoot & Drift like NEVER before. Dash Dash is a cross-platform VR racing game with full hand driving and weapons controls. Over 100 hours of gameplay contents including story mode, regular online tournaments, 100s of achievements and trillion+ customizable parts.|
|Cooking Simulator VR (Q4 2020) Simulation/Physics|
|Become the ultimate chef in VR! Take control of a highly polished, realistic kitchen equipped with all kinds of utensils and stands. Unlock and master over 80 recipes or use dozens of lifelike ingredients to cook everything you like. A simulator spiced up with a dash of real-life physics!|
|Lone Echo II (2020) Adventure/Exploration/Narrative Oculus Exclusive|
|Jack and Liv are back in Lone Echo II. Return to the rings of Saturn in this highly anticipated sequel to unravel the mysteries of Lone Echo and journey deeper into space – past the very boundaries of time itself.|
|Eye of the Temple (2020) Exploration/Puzzle Free Introduction Version Here|
|Eye of the Temple lets you explore a vast and treacherous temple in VR using your own feet. Keep your balance as you step from one moving block to another, dodging traps and solving puzzles with your torch and whip in hand.|
|Sniper Elite VR (Coming Soon) Action-Adventure/Shooter|
|Grab your rifle, gaze down the scope and take aim in this stealth-action WW2 first-person shooter built exclusively for VR. With an explosive campaign, astonishing immersion, authentic weaponry, and signature gunplay from the award-winning Sniper Elite...|
|Rhythm of the Universe: Ionia (Coming Soon) Exploration/Puzzle|
|IONIA™ is a single-player fantasy-adventure puzzle VR game for all ages. Get up close with music-inspired creatures in a lush forest teeming with life. Discover music-based magic on your quest to save the Harpa, a mythical creature whose habitat is on the brink of destruction.|
|Frostpoint VR: Proving Grounds (Coming Soon) FPS/PvP|
|Frostpoint VR: Proving Grounds is a team-based multiplayer shooter that pits two sides against each other in high-intensity PvP game modes, with a unique PvE twist.|
|Myst (Coming Soon) Exploration/Puzzle|
|Cyan, the indie studio that created beloved classics Myst and Riven, has reimagined Myst. Built from the ground up to play in VR and flatscreen PC, explore Myst in a whole new dimension! Journey to the Ages, unravel puzzles, and be a part of the surrealistic adventure that will become your own.|
|The Secret of Retropolis (Coming Soon) NoiPuzzle|
|Step into the future of Point and Click adventures in this VR mystery game about crime, love, and robots. As Philip Log, the mechanical detective, you’ll investigate the disappearance of a famous gem, crack humorous puzzles and get involved with eccentric characters.|
|Walkabout Mini Golf VR (Coming Soon) Single-playePvP Available on Oculus now|
|Putt your way through beautifully designed VR courses, collect lost balls, and unlock challenging bonus levels. Extremely realistic physics create the perfect challenge for hardcore golfers and casual players alike. Mini-golf has never been this fun!|
|Tarzan VR (Coming Soon) Adventure/Action|
|Welcome to the Jungle! Journey through the fantastic lands of Tarzan in an epic adventure created especially for virtual reality. Swing, swim, climb and fight your way across savage lands where the only limits are your own imagination.|
|Z-Race (13 Jan, 2021) Racing/Third Person|
|Z-Race is a zero-gravity, VR racing game packed with atomic physics, spectacular effects, and innovative gameplay mechanics!|
|After the Fall (Early 2021) FPS/Online PvP & Co-op|
|From the creators of Arizona Sunshine® comes an epic VR action FPS with intense co-op gameplay at its core that pits up to 4 players against a vast, hostile VR world in a raging fight for survival.|
|TOSS!🍌 (Q1 2021) ParkouRacing|
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|Warhammer Age of Sigmar: Tempestfall (2021) Action/Adventure/Combat|
|Descend in thunderous Tempestfall and deliver justice in the name of Sigmar. Walk the realm of death and lead your brethren to utter victory in this VR-exclusive Warhammer Age of Sigmar game.|
|LOW-FI (Q1 2021) Cyberpunk/RPG|
|You're the sheriff of cityblock 303, a retro-futuristic cyberpunk slum where the only inhabitants of note are other "low-fi". Humans too poor to jack into the platform, and rusting old robots that didn't achieve the intelligence singularity. What you do with your time is up to you. Are you a good cop, hotshot?|
|Traffic Jams (Q1 2021) Casual/Comedy|
|In a world without traffic lights, one reigns supreme. It’s up to you to keep traffic flowing in the face of outrageous events and flagrant road rage. Easy? Think again! This chaotic VR traffic controlling game throws in monsters, (un)natural disasters, and up to 4 non-VR friends in party mode!|
|Rumble (2021) PvP/Combat|
|You're a beginning martial artist with the power to control stone. By striking poses inspired by real-life fighting sports, you can create attacks out of the earth beneath your feet. Test your skills and creativity in the online PVP arena!|
|Predator VR (1 Feb. 2021) Action/Adventure/Shooter Steam Commercial Licensing Only|
|Look for Predator VR exclusively in VR arcades. Predator VR drops you into the explosive action of the 1980’s blockbuster movie in the ultimate VR showdown between an overpowering Alien hunter and an elite soldier. Multiplayer, Soldier Campaign and Predator Rampage modes.|
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|From light planes to wide-body jets, fly highly detailed and accurate aircraft in the next generation of Microsoft Flight Simulator. Test your piloting skills against the challenges of night flying, real-time atmospheric simulation and live weather in a dynamic and living world.|