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EDIT: This post is in an article format with pictures and graphs here
I can't be silent anymore. In 2018, out of 1076 abortions in Poland, 1 was because of rape, 25 because it was dangerous for the woman's life and 1050 because of an unhealthy fetus. It means that PIS just totally banned abortion in Poland
Too few Europeans are aware of the depth of this crisis. The current Polish government is destroying the country from inside-out with its nepotism, religious zeal, communistic tactics, social programs and funding verge organizations (or trolls). It breaks every single law, making unconstitutional laws since 2015 and destroying the court of law. How Poland is pushing EU into crisis - rise of populism. The video is 2 years old and now it's worst
PIS staffed every single judicial court with its own people (ending the impartiality of judges). The very aggressive social 500+ program increased the job inactivity of Poles to 48% (48% of 15+ Polish citizens are NEET. Unemployment is at 5-6%). The Job vacancies in Poland are at the lowest level in EU. The corruption and nepotism is rampant, more than 1000 family members and friends are in public companies or in different Ministries. Polish PIS high ranking politicians are also making money together with pimps and mafia (see scandals down there). They are also giving millions of euros from public money to the Catholic Church. They are paying trolls to spew hate on Facebook, via Whatsapp and on the web. Some of them are hiding and not prosecuting pedophiles in the Catholic Church. Poland has almost the lowest innovation in EU. In 15 indexes tracking freedom and democracy in Europe Poland went from an average position of 12 out of 28 in 2010 to 23 out of 28 in 2019. I mean, not to diminish Trump’s “awesomeness” but imagine if the WHOLE republican party in the US was Trump-like. Shady deals, family in the govt, creating discord, staffing courts with their own judges. I’m just mortified.
For further reading I recommend: Sadurski, Wojciech. "Poland's Constitutional Breakdown", Oxford University Press, 2019.
Acronyms and main characters:
  • PIS- current govt, Law and Justice, a fringe party with populist programs. Majority in Parliament. President is also from PIS. Opposition has the Senate.
  • J. Kaczynski, PIS leader, Twin brother of the dead Polish president
  • Z. Ziobro, General Prosecutor and Minister of Justice. PIS
  • A. Duda, President. PIS
  • M. Banas, Head of the Supreme Audit office. PIS
  • M. Morawiecki, Prime minister. PIS
  • T. Rydzyk Catholic priest, founder of the conservative Radio Maryja station and tv TRWAM
  • J. Kurski, chairman of the Polish national state broadcaster TVP. PIS
  • M. Kuchcinski, ex-Marshal of the lower house. PIS
  • B. Szydlo, ex-prime minister. PIS

PiS changes electoral rules in an unconstitutional move. Presidential "elections" 2020 are the Biggest legal blunder of the year

Poland Is Showing the World How Not to Run a Pandemic Election. The upcoming Polish election is shaping up to be a farce. Washington should learn from Warsaw’s mistakes before November.
Why Poland’s “ghost election” sends a warning about its democracy
Wikipedia about this blunder
  • Pis doesn't want to declare a constitutional state of emergence or state of natural disaster because it would postpone the elections. So they declared a state of epidemic that doesn't allow to limit the freedom of movement or other liberties Ombudsman opinion
  • At first, PiS decided to hold the presidential elections on 10 May despite the public outcry at holding elections at the height of a pandemic. The adoption of generalised voting by post by the Polish parliament, about one month before the planned elections, violates several constitutional standards. It breaches a prohibition on making changes to the electoral law less than six months before an election and a ban on hiding new laws under the guise of amendments to an existing draft.
  • Then PiS has excluded a key institution from the process of preparing the elections: the National Electoral Commission (PKW), which can no longer print the voting cards. On the 17th of April president Andrzej Duda signed a bill depriving the PKW of the powers to organise elections
  • So in a particularly Kafkaesque twist, the ministry appointed J. Sasin, one of the MP, to organize the elections and he printed 30M ballots before the special election legislation was even signed into law. For months there was a ballot hunt to know where the ballots are stored. 70 million zloty bill for Poland’s abandoned presidential election
  • At 02:26 am on 23 April, every Polish mayor and city council president received an anonymous, unsigned e-mail from Polish Post saying that they were required to deliver the private data of 30 million Polish citizens including their PESEL (national identification number), date of birth, address, and other private data in a .txt file format lacking any passwords or security. But local governments, which hold that data, are refusing to hand it over, arguing that the postal service has no legal right to get the files.
  • On 29 April 2020, 11 days before the planned election date, election candidate Żółtek presented a copy of an "unlawful" electoral ballot at a press conference. It had NO securities to prevent counterfeit copies (reminder: As of 2 May 2020, Polish law did not authorise Poczta Polska to organise postal voting nor printing of ballots) . Poczta Polska notified the Internal Security Agency about the leak. But how to prove something that shouldn't exist? So many trolls just printed the copy and put it in mailboxes and on the street Picture of police trying to see if this is a copy or not of an illegal ballot
  • 4 days before the election, “Simply put, in a democratic country, the government decided — consciously — not to organise the election of the head of state.” Collapse of Polish democracy “What happened with this agreement is truly unprecedented: the presidential election in Poland was not postponed, it was just cancelled,”. As the leaders reached their agreement, no constitutional institution was involved in the process, including the electoral commission, the president, the Sejm and the Supreme Court – the latter was meant to cancel the election according to the letter of the document. However, the two politicians could be certain that their agreement, although un-constitutional, would prove effective because of the complete take-over of the Supreme Court by the Law and Justice nominees since the beginning of May following the expiry of the term of the former President of the Supreme Court Małgorzata Gersdorf. Still, it is highly unusual for the leaders of political parties to openly state what the Supreme Court would decide. Source
  • 3 days before the election, the National Electoral Commission (PKW) - controlled by PIS since a month- declared that the election would not be able to take place on 10 May 2020 because there were no candidates???!!! Source So the candidates will need to ONCE again collect 100k signatures to be eligible to be candidates.
  • On 3 June 2020, the Marshal of the Sejm ordered the first round of the election to be held on 28 June 2020.
  • And now the cherry on top. Elections on 28 june 2020 are UNCONSTITUTIONAL why? art 128.2 of the constitution: "The election of the President of the Republic shall be ordered by the Marshal of the Sejm to be held on a day no sooner than 100 days and no later than 75 days before expiry of the term of office of the serving President of the Republic, and in the event of the office of President of the Republic falling vacant - no later than the 14th day thereafter(...)". June 28 was 70 days before the expiry. So the next election must be announced within 14 days after the office of president is vacated. So the Speaker of the Sejm can announce new elections AT THE EARLIEST after 6th of August. source
  • The whipped cream on top of the cherry? These elections are not free, not secret and not for everyone. They are not free because the electoral commission is controlled by PIS, they are not secret because if you vote via post you need to sign the ballot with your name + the attached envelope is see-trough. 14 sins of ballot elections Voter suppression: Old, pregnant and people with kids on their arms can vote first Part 2/5

Destruction of the rule of law.

Some of the passages below are taken from this pdf
No member state in the history of the EU has ever gone as far in subjugating its courts to executive control as the current Polish government. The Polish case has become a test whether it is possible to create a Soviet-style justice system in an EU member state; a system where the control of courts, prosecutors and judges lies with the executive and a single party.
Across Europe, national courts recognise the judgements of courts in other member states, whether these involve commercial law, the European arrest warrant or child custody. Judges must assume that courts across the EU operate according to common values and principles set out in the European Union Treaty and in its Charter of Fundamental Rights. Once judges across the EU have reason to doubt whether courts in any member state provide effective judicial protection, the legal order on which the EU rests collapses.
Freedom house - How PIS captured Poland’s Courts

Constitutional Tribunal changes

It all began with the constitutional crisis four years ago. Constitutional crisis and the destruction of the rule of law In 2015, parliament changed the law on the Constitutional Tribunal, which rules on the constitutionality of legislation. The changes allowed them to annul the nominations of three judges made by the previous parliament and appoint their own. It shortened the terms of the tribunal's president and vice-president from nine to three years. The tribunal ruled the move unconstitutional in an open rebellion, but the dispute remains unresolved. Julia Przylebska - was illegally named the president of the Tribunal court by the president. And now Kaczynski, the PM have meetings at her house. Nice separation of power
There's too much to describe. For further info please visit the link. It is an amazing summary of the whole ordeal. timeline

Supreme Court changes

The European Commission, the EU's executive arm, said one of the most controversial reforms was to do with the Supreme court, which, among other duties, is responsible for confirming election results. The idea was to lower the age of retirement for Supreme Court justices from 70 to 65, but allow the Polish president to grant a five-year extension to whomever they deemed worthy. In 2019, the European Court of Justice (ECJ) — the EU's highest court —ruled this was illegal, after an interim decision ordered 20 already-sacked judges be reinstated. Of course, PIS chose 2 new Constitutional judges, A politician Pawlowicz with communistic past and Piotrowicz, also a politician and a prosecutor that was an active communist during the 80 that prosecuted Solidarnosc. Both of them are above 65 years old.

Ordinary court judges

There were also moves to try a similar tactic in the general court system for judges and public prosecutors, lowering the age of retirement for women to 60 and for men to 65, down from the current 67. Under the reforms the justice minister, who is appointed by the ruling party, would have the power to extend a judge's term. The laws were somewhat adjusted after pressure from the European Commission, but in November 2019 the ECJ shot down these laws, too, citing gender discrimination and political influence over the judiciary.

Disciplinary measures for judges

Another PiS addition allowed judges to be investigated and sanctioned for their court rulings. The disciplinary hearings and procedures were to be carried out by judges selected via parliament. These reforms were criticized by the European Commission because "judges are not insulated from political control and thus judicial independence is violated." The commission brought legal action against Poland on this matter in October 2019.

National Council of the judiciary takeover

In 2017 PiS remodeled the National Council of the Judiciary, which selects candidates for appointment as judges by the President of the Republic. This allowed it, in the short term, to control appointments to the Supreme Court – including to a newly created Disciplinary Chamber, which hears disciplinary cases against judges, and to a new Extraordinary Appeals Chamber, which adjudicates on electoral issues. Over time PiS’ take-over of the National Judicial Council allows it to reshape the entirety of the judiciary. Fifteen of the 25 members of the National Council of the Judiciary were previously elected by judges themselves, as is common practice across Europe for such bodies. These fifteen judges are now elected by the majority in the Sejm, the lower chamber of the Polish parliament. The other ten members of the National Council of the Judiciary are: four members from the Sejm itself (all four members of PiS), two members from the Senate, one representative of the President of the Republic, the Minister of Justice, the president of the Supreme Court and the president of the Supreme Administrative Court. In total 23 of the 25 positions are directly appointed by political authorities.
After the election of the new KRS, a publication of the list with the names of judges declaring their support for specific candidates was refused. The Supreme Administrative Court ruled that those names must be disclosed. However, the Chancellery of the Sejm has yet to carry out the NSA’s ruling. The Constitutional Tribunal (TK) and the President of the Personal Data Protection Office have been roped into guarding the secret. KRS destruction

Muzzle bill

The muzzle bill passed Dec 2019, victimize judges questioning the legitimacy of the government’s legal appointments, saying it is unlawful to “show hostility to other authorities of the Republic of Poland and its constitutional organs or to critisize the basic principles of the Republic of Poland.”The bill also delegalise the preliminary questions to the Court of Justice of the EU (CJEU). The bill also allows to fire judges ( which is unconstitutional according to the Constitution). In average Ziobro dismissed a judge every day and a half from its position of president of court source

One of the worse Covid19 laws in EU.

Trampling Fundamental freedoms using a single ordnance and Critiquing the President will land you a year in jail. report.
In the latest special Covid19 law (already 4th lol) PIS smuggled an article straight from a communistic playbook about prosecuting people that critique the president. The sentence can be up to a year. They also smuggled a harsher law for abortions. Can someone tell me HOW it is related to Covid19? source
More Ruleoflaw

Political scandals

Illegal presidential pardon

Illegal presidential pardon for CBA chief Kaminski In 2013, Law and Justice (PiS) MP Mariusz Kamiński – who served as head of the anti-corruption agency from 2006 and 2009 – was found guilty of overstepping his powers. He was sentenced to three years in prison and was banned from holding public office for ten years. Polish President Andrzej Duda pardoned Kamiński even though he was still appealing his sentence at the time. The case against Kamiński was then discontinued. A supreme court judge said that the president interfered in the legal process because Kamiński was proven neither innocent nor guilty when he was pardoned, making a future ruling redundant. The judge said that the president can pardon someone after any final appeal has been heard “because then he is not interfering with the judiciary”.

Merging the General Prosecutor with the political Minister of Justice

The general prosecutor role was merged with the minister of justice Ziobro. source. This handed Ziobro and his subordinates greatly expanded power to politically interfere with rank-and-file prosecutors, their decisions, and their freedoms of speech and association. Poland Is Purging Its Prosecutors
200+ public prosecutors that are loyal to the Minister of Justice Ziobro (from PIS) All of them got promotions (or someone from their family) or pay raises. another list

Destroying the military

The creation of a territorial defense unit- a civilian army led by the ministry of defense to control “the situation inside Poland”. In addition, there was a purge of generals. and killing multibillion deals with France. About 37 generals and 47 colonels left. Why? Because they had to answer to a 27-year old assistant to the Defense Minister, former pharmacy assistant without a university degree. The Rzeczpospolita daily newspaper reported that Misiewicz was given a top communications job with PGZ ( largest defense consortiums in Central Europe) that pays $12,500 a month, huge sum in a country where the average pre-tax wage is about $1,150 a month. source
PIS decides to overhaul 40-years old t-72 instead of investing in German tanks. Not enough ammunition, uniforms NVG and other gadget went to the above unit,
In 2015, the Defence minister Macierewicz raided the Nato center in Warsaw at 1am to take control of documents and place their man at the helm

The ministry of Justice is funding trolls to destroy judges

Ziobro-Piebiak paid Troll scandal The Onet news portal published a report alleging that Deputy Justice Minister Łukasz Piebiak “arranged and controlled” an online campaign against Judge Krystian Markiewicz, the head of Iustitia, a judicial organization critical of the government’s efforts to restructure the judicial system, as well as against other inconvenient judges. According to the Onet report, Piebiak operated and financed an online campaign by a woman called Emilia who allegedly sent over 2,000 letters and emails about Markiewicz to other judges as well as to pro-government right-wing media. The messages contained fabricated, semi-confirmed and gossipy details of the judge’s personal life. According to Onet, Emilia obtained Markiewicz’s personal address from Piebiak so she could send him one of the letters.

Taking over the state media

State media was taken over by PIS and is using mass propaganda and here Not only they are a propaganda tube but they also offend polish citizens ie – translation: defenders of pedophiles and alimonies-takers are the ones against judiciary reforms. They call every peaceful protest as a coup
The same can be said about the GUS – general statistical bureau. It is controlled by PIS and it is known to “change” metrics so every Inflation or unemployment metrics can’t be trusted.

LBGT-free zones and Xenophobia.

Fear against refugees and calls for xenophobia. A leaked draft of a new Polish migration policy discriminates against Muslims, ranks foreigners according to ethnicity and breaches human rights
My article Why the Polish government is against LGBT?
PIS is supporting LGBT free zones where a thrid of Poland is declared as LGBT-free. During the presidential elections in 2020 Gay “ideology” is worse than communism, says Duda - PIS president.

Destroying education and HealthCare.

PIS cancels the in vitro program Polish government program that covered most of the in vitro costs was immediately cut by the Law and Justice Party when it came to power in late 2015, even though Poland has one of the lowest birth rates in the EU. Catholic Church opposition to IVF is widely seen as one factor in the Polish government's decision.
PIS also increased the minimum wage at the beginning of 2020. It created a weird paradox where a teacher and a starting MD is earning less than the minimal wage because they get paid from public money and the minimal wage change is for the private sector. And PIS wants to ban sex ed by labeling teachers as gay activists and pedophiles. Critics say Poland’s governing Law and Justice Party is wrecking the education system for political gain — and students are suffering.


Destruction of the oldest European forest in Poland by Minister of Environment Szyszko The Bialowieza Forest is a UNESCO World Heritage site that sprawls across the border between Poland and Belarus, occupying almost 580 square miles of woodland and providing home to rare European wood bison among others. At least 10,000 trees are thought to have been felled in Białowieża, since the Polish environment minister, Jan Szyzko tripled logging limits there in 2016. The EU’s highest court has ruled that Poland’s logging in the Unesco-protected Białowieża forest is illegal, potentially opening the door to multi-million euro fines.
“Our (water) resources are comparable to those of Egypt,” it said in the report bearing the ominous title: “Poland, European Desert”

Nepotism and colleagues in state-owned companies

PIS won the elections by wanting to fight nepotism. The most famous was “24yo Misiewicz, a former pharmacy assistant without a university degree was in the defense industry under Macierewicz. The apparent favoritism has raised ethics concerns in a party that won office promising to fight corruption.” source There is even a webpage listing more than 1000 cases of nepotism under PIS Pisiewicze
Latest data show 162M PLN to 84 PIS oligarchs and Colleagues

Illegal budget for 2017

The 2017 budget "was adopted" not in the Sejm assembly hall, but in a smaller room where the so-called parliamentary session was held immediately as a follow-up to the meeting of the parliamentary causus of PIS, where no reliable counting of vates was possible, and with many allegations taht the opposition MPs were not allowed in. [Constitutional Democracy in Crisis?, Oxfoord, 2018, p.268]

Ex-communists in PIS ranks. And PIS is very anti-left and anti-PRL.

They are accusing the opposition – PO - to consist mostly of ex-communists or communistic party members or collaborators. The issue is that most members of PO fought against the communism and spent months/years in prison in the ’80. On the other hand, the PIS party members scarcely fought for polish liberty and some of its party members are former communistic party members or communistic prosecutors like Piotrowicz! Some Polish TC judge are also ex-PRL members. Here is a list in polish of all current PIS party members who served as PRL members during the communistic era. So, PIS is fighting against itself. Another list with 20 names of ex-party members now in PIS

Funding the Catholic church with public money

PIS is very Pro-Catholic, most of their voters are devout Catholics. So it is no surprise that PIS is funding religious orgs from public money. Since Law and Justice came to power in 2015, Father Rydzyk’s businesses have received at least $55 million in subsidies from at least 10 ministries and state companies. His Radio Maryja station, which reaches millions and is often the sole source of information for many older voters in rural Poland, offers a daily diet of horror stories about a world without faith, where gay people control the political agenda, universities are corrupted by “neo-Marxists,” and the Roman Catholic Church is under mortal threat. Rydzyk Embroiled in Corruption Allegations
Hiding Pedophilia. Map of 259 victims of catholic pedophilia. When a documentary was released before recent local elections revealing devastating examples of how priests sexually abused children and how church officials covered it up, many in PIS saw it not as evidence of an institution that lost its way, but one that needed to be defended. Piotrowicz, the above communist prosecutor, dismissed in 2001 a case against a priest accused of raping six girls.
Polish PIS president Duda pardons a paedophile that raped his own daughter. He makes the pardon a week before elections

Smolensk commission

The so-called assassination of Kaczynski's twin president brother in Smolensk created 90M PLN of costs. PIS created a "cult" around his death and even created a special commission that would prove it was an assassination. Kaczynski was using it on every occasion Don't wipe your treacherous mugs with .... Ofc they didn’t prove anything and they buried the topic. Every 10th of every month for 3 years, PIS party leader Kaczynski was making a "show" commemorating his dead twin brother. He was using the police to secure his demonstration even if he has no lawful power (he is neither a president, neither the prime minister). New law expanding police surveillance and the police is getting raises after raises to keep them happy. The commemorations, the commission and the damages (paid only to the politicians’ families, not to the crew) amounted to 91M PLN.

The welfare revolution

PIS is also very pro-family. The party is giving away 500zl per month for every kid. In short, it has “bought” the elections. The polish economy is unable to sustain such an endeavor roots of populism. And it costs the economy 80B PLN between 2016 and 2019. The best part? Rate of births is negative for the last couple of years and inflation is still growing. According to the PIS Stats bureau it is 3.5% and growing. However, many journalists made their own baskets of normal good and services and the inflation is closer to 10%. Additionally there is a growing debt that PIS tries to hide by shifting some debt into other Funds. One of them is the “Solidarity fund” that is not counted in the overall polish GDP, that is to support people with disabilities will pay for the 13th and 14th pension of people 65+.

Funding propaganda and trolls

Computational Propaganda in Poland: Russian troll factories
PIS bought the Pegasus spyware to spy on its citizens In September 2018, private broadcaster TVN24 reported that Poland’s state audit body, NIK, was questioning an outlay of over 33 million zloty (€7.6 million euro) by the Justice Fund, a government fund to help victims of crime. According to TVN, the money went toward the purchase of a “new system to spy on telephones and computers, the most expensive system in the history of Polish secret services.” Reports that the covertly purchased system could be Pegasus — a top-performing spyware that is impossible to track — surfaced last week.
Polish troll farms promoting Duda and Kaczynski

Funding public TV stations

Polish public TV stations should be impartial and public. Not favoring any party nor government and give the same screen time to every party equally. Unfortunately, there was a purge of journalists the moment PIS won the election and the propaganda is stalin-like. Look at this graph how it changed. Polish TVP is the mouthpiece of the govt. In 2020 PIS voted to give an additional 2B pln per year for 5 years to public tv.
Public Main TV making fun of US ambassador by reading the tweet with a derogatory accent


PIS has hundreds of scandals that each would destroy a modern government. They defrauded billions of PLN over the years, put 1000’s of family members in different state-owned companies. Below are listed the main sexual and financial scandals.
  1. Sex hotel of the head of the Audit office Marian Banaś , a Law and Justice (PiS) politician and recently appointed chief of Poland’s Supreme Audit Office has been heavily embroiled in a corruption scandal, another to hit the ruling party just weeks before the country votes in a parliamentary election. Mr Banaś served as finance minister from June to August this year, and is a key figure in the party. Mr Banaś concealed his possession of a tenement house in Krakow from his financial disclosures. This property was then revealed to have deep running connections with a local, criminally-run escort agency. He claimed that the house was given to him by an old friend whom he met in the Home Army, which he then renovated. In his disclosures, he claimed he would sell the house, which never happened. Banaś claims that this was due to the buyer’s inability to get a loan. Investigations have further revealed that Mr Banaś agreed to rent the property for 5000 zloty a month, 10,000 zloty lower than its estimated market value, according to Gazeta Wyborcza. Just as the scandal could not apparently get any worse for Mr Banaś, further investigation by journalist Bertold Kittel revealed criminal links. When Mr Kittel entered the property he found at the reception an infamous Krakow criminal known as one of the brothers K – Wiesław or Janusz, who control escort agencies in the region. While still under investigation, there have been suggestions of contact between the two.
  2. "Alleged" Pedophila and Sex trafficking scandal of House speaker Wirtualna Polska learned the contents of the message of CBA officer Wojciech J. to the prosecutor's office about the failure of the head of the CBA, Ernest Bejda. In the background is a lost record with a recording of one of the leading PiS politicians who should have sex with a minor Ukrainian girl lost. His name falls on the document. In the message, Wojciech J. refers to several reports that he was the head of the office in connection with the "unauthorized access to his armored cabinet during his absence" submitted. From this vault, a record should be lost in escort agencies from the Podkarpacie region. One of the leading PiS politicians should have sex with a young Ukrainian in the recording. The statement signed by lawyer Beata Bosak-Kruczek mentions the name of Sejm spokesman Marek Kuchciński.
  3. Health minister Szumowski alleged to have bought £1m of PPE from ski instructor friend during pandemic. And givng away £65m grants to companies run by brother public anger has exploded after Polish newspaper Gazeta Wyborcza reported that Szumowski bought masks with fake certificates from a skiing instructor who is friends with his businessman brother, Marcin. Poland’s Health Ministry reportedly spent five million zloty (£1m) on 120,000 FFP-2 type face masks and 20,000 surgical masks that were later found not to meet safety standards, Politico says. The company that sold the masks was registered on the 30 of March and won the govt. contract on the same day. Critics have also questioned Szumowski’s previous dealings in government. Polish news network tvn24 reports that while serving as deputy science minister in 2016-17, he gave 300 million zloty (£60m) in grants from Poland’s National Centre for Research and Development (NCBR) to OncoArendi Therapeutics, a research company run by his brother. Another company in which Szumowski was a shareholder, Life Science Innovation (LSI), was reportedly given a 24 million zloty (£5m) NCBR grant just days after he took up the ministerial post.
  4. Same Health minister Szumowski bought 1.2 thousand ventilators for PLN 200 million from a company owned by an arms dealer, not a single device was delivered
submitted by Logiman43 to Polska

First Contact - TOTAL WAR - Part 205

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The ship was shaped to get the most use out of the least amount of materials and energy. Shaped to use the atmosphere to help it land, with the thinnest hull plating it could sport, the weakest particle shielding, and a low wattage plasma cannon, the ship looked half melted already.
It exited jumpspace a good two hundred thousand miles from the resonance zone, dropping into realspace and cutting its engines immediately as well as shutting down the plasma cannon. It didn't bother trying to contact anyone.
The pilot knew the ship had already been spotted. The computer was already screaming it was locked up by nearly twenty fire control systems, had been lashed with RADAR, LIDAR, and every manner of scanning known and unknown to the pilot.
The ping of communication request came across the com-center and the Captain and sole being on the ship reached out and touched the accept icon.
A digital face made up entirely of swirling code appeared. It was a primate, with close set eyes, heavy brow and mandible, high sharp cheekbones, digital hair close cropped. It lowered its head slightly to stare at the pilot with an almost murderous glare.
"You got a lot of balls showing up here. What do you want?" the digital face asked.
"Landing permission," the pilot said calmly. "I am a non-combatant with only a single defensive weapon with ship performance far below your allowed specifications for civilians."
"You have to be crazy," the face said. "Give me one good reason not to blow you out of the sky and make the world a better place."
The pilot gave his reason. The digital face stared, shocked, then shook his head.
"You know what, this is above my paygrade. Stay right where you are. Power up anything, even a hair dryer, and I'll blow you back to your component atoms," the digital face said.
"Understood. Will comply," the pilot said.
He leaned back and waited.
Nearly eight hours later the ship was given permission to enter the stellar system, escorted by a quartet of warships. It took nearly three days to reach the pilot's destination. The ship waited in orbit for nearly two days until the lawyers got done and the ship was given permission to land. It was agreed that due to the risk that the ship should only be allowed to land on the most heavily armed and protected area of the planet.
The ship slipped though the atmosphere and landed at the busy starport, sitting in the berth until the umbilical hooked up to the ship and the pilot could leave the ship and enter the concourse.
Inside the concourse Billy Jane Iktakik McDougherty stood behind his desk, looking at the scanner results and checking the paperwork of everyone that moved up to his desk. A Rigellian female with her three ducks who was taking part in a body building competition. Next. A Digital Sentient who was making a pilgrimage to the Coalescing Site of the Digital Omnimessiah. Next. A Mantid doing a research paper of the Titan Rushmore's attack on Concord. Next. A nine-tailed blue furry fox-girl and her simian husband here to watch duels? Next. Big centaur-cow thing with tendrils on its face wearing a cover on its flanks, a vest, a sash, with a satchel that it was setting down on the scanner...
Billy looked at the creature in front of him. Cow body. Humanoid torso with four arms. Horse/cow head with catfish tendrils and six eyes. Billy checked the scanner. Standard datalink, Emergency nanite medical kit implant. Retinal link. Four stomachs, two sets of lungs, some other organs. Satchel contained a standard foldable computer, some datacubes for Terran language and customs and movies, a probe to check food and drink compatibility
Billy blinked a few times and stared at the being in front of him.
"Paper and documents?" Billy fell back on his most basic of training.
"Of course, gentle-being," the centaur thing told him. It handed over plas-sheets and a datacube. The biometrics matched, the documents looked official.
"Reason for visiting Terra?" Billy asked.
"Espionage," the being said.
Billy blinked again and started pinging his supervisors as fast as possible. "Excuse me?"
"Espionage," the being said. "I am a spy. The occupational listing of 'antiquities expert/import-export facilitator is my cover."
Billy started pinging his bosses faster.
"Length of stay?" Billy moved to the next question automatically.
"As long as it takes me to investigate your society, culture, government, laws, and any possible weakness your society might have so... um... let's go with at least one hundred of your years," the creature said.
"That's... too long for a temporary stay. You'd need a visa for that," Billy said. He pinged his supervisor's supervisor. Several times.
"Well, the longest temporary stay I might be permitted as a spy of a hostile government engaged in espionage," the creature said.
Billy pinged security. Fast.
"Anything to declare?" Billy asked, starting to sweat.
"Oh! Oh, this is indeed exciting," the creature said. Billy saw the telltale LEDs on the datalink in the creatures head light up. "Ahem," he lifted his chin and inflated a bunch of weird looking sack and crests on his shoulders, neck, down his back, on his lower body. "You cannot win. Your primitive and weak culture is unable to overcome the might of..."
"No, no, do you have anything that might be forbidden," Billy moved quick to cut off the monologue before it got to 'quake in fear' which Billy knew was the point of no return for supervillain speeches.
"Oh. Um. I have some maknaka fruit," the being said.
"I'm afraid that isn't permissible. We'll have to destroy it but you will be compensated," Billy said.
The creature nodded, opening the satchel and handing over the small plas container of weird looking lumpy fruit. Billy put it in the confiscation bin and handed the creature a credit stick.
"Thank you," the being said once Billy showed him how to check the balance. "That is most generous."
"OK, weapons?" Billy asked.
"None on my person. My spaceship has a low wattage plasma cannon used to deter pirates and threaten people in order to make my daring escapes," the being said.
Billy shook his head. "That won't do. This nation requires all visitors to be armed or escorted by armed security. You have seventy-two hours to procure a weapon or private security," he told him. "You can buy a pistol or rifle at the gift shop."
"Very well. What if I was to use it on someone for my own amusement?" the creature asked.
Billy sighed. "The gift shop will inform you of the relevant laws and escalation of force permissions."
"I would like to purchase a grenade launcher. Is that permissible?" the creature asked.
Billy nodded. "Yes. You may purchase anything up to a Class III weapon as a foreign national. No anti-armor, anti-aircraft, or CRBAN weaponry, but a grenade launcher with high-explosive is fine."
The creature nodded. "I would much like one. I used one to escape local government authorities once, the explosions were most satisfactory."
"Sure, knock yourself out," Billy said.
"Hmm, is that a common pastime?" the creature asked. "To render one's self unconscious through impact generated concussive force?"
Billy shook his head. "It means you have my complete permission to do it if that's what you want."
"Excellent," the being said, holding up all four hands so he could use two hands twice to put his fingertips together in a weird motion. Behind him? her? herm? it? xe? the line was beginning to grumble.
Billy's dataslate pinged and he looked down.
Billy blinked again and stopped pinging everyone. He was supposed to print out all the paperwork, transfer the proper files, and let the creature through. Additionally, he was supposed to issue a Class-III concealed carry permit and a Class-II Private Security retainer permit.
"One moment, gentlebeing, your paperwork is being processed." Billy said. Reams of paperwork as well as a datacube were being issued. No, make that two datacubes.
The weird looking being waited patiently, looking around the starport's concourse. It seemed a bit nervous at the groups of Treana'ad and Mantids wandering around, but Billy was only keeping half-aware of it as he kept handing over stuff for the being to sign and return one copy while keeping another.
Another security being opened up another line, motioning the beings waiting in Billy's line to the newly opened one. A Treana'ad matron with a power smoker in her mandibles and a half dozen hatchlings trotted over, looking resplendant in her shimmering cape and abdominal cover, and began clearing customs.
Finally the documents were done. The centaur creature put them all into his satchel after scanning them, the LED's on his implant warning of high usage. The strange creature made an odd hand gesture at Billy and trotted away.
The centaur brought up the map to starport concourse and trotted down to the first bank he saw. He trotted up and waited in line. After a few minutes he moved up to the front of the line and then to the counter.
"Hi, welcome to I Like Money Bank, how may I help you, sir, ma'am, both, or neither?" the furry biped with dark circles around its eyes and a fluffy tail asked.
"Currency exchange, please," the centaur said.
"Ah. If I might see your data-information," the biped, with a nametag that read "Tuffy" said. She placed a datapad in front of him. "Please put your hand on the scanner."
The centaur did so. It scanned for a moment then beeped.
"Oh, all right. In order to make a currency exchange you'll need to open an account," the biped said.
"That sound marvelous. Do you have a discount for spies?" the centaur asked.
"Let me ask my manager," the biped, she perhaps, said in a chipper tone with a close lipped slime. Her eye unfocused. "Well, my manager is willing to waive your first years account fees and offer you a line of credit at only 38% compounded monthly."
The centaur trembled with excitement. That was less than half of the interest his own bank charged him on his expenditures.
"Yes, please," he said.
"All right. Pick your card design," the biped said. A bunch of different kinds of card surfaces shown.
One caught his eye. An image of him, in front of an white headed predator bird, in front of some kind of waving red and white rippling cloth, wearing a three corner hat and a long white wig, firing projectile weapons into the air with all four hands.
"Oh, I like this one," the centaur said. He tapped it. The card slowly moved out of the top of the datapad. It had his name on it, a series of numbers, and he was startled to see that the image on the card was animated.
"Now, if we can see the credits or other legal tender, we will be happy to deposit them in your account, which will then be tied to your datalink, all six of your retinal scans, all four handprints, if you'd like we can have someone bring you a datapad so you can record your hoofprints, your voice print, a personal identification number, and a secret riddle if you choose," the biped said.
"Yes, please. I like all of that," the centaur said, trembling with excitement. He looked at the paperwork. His occupation was listed as "Lanaktallan Spy" which made him nod along. Quite accurate and efficient, these Terran banks. While he signed up for an account and transferred money his luggage, carried by a robotic hoverdolly, caught up to him. It even played a jaunty little tune.
It took a half hour, but he was given a free Tnvaru plushie, a flank covering that displayed giant robots battling, a modified four armed jacket with a fleece lining and denim outside that he found very comfortable, a metal device with four slots on the top that would apparently lightly bake something called sliced bread, a strange clock for local time that was somewhat confusing with the dial and the pointers, a writing implement, a ledger to keep track of his deposits, withdrawls, and expenses, a genuine animal skin wallet, a hat that said "I <3 TERRA", and a nifty bracelet.
He thanks the biped, put everything into the satchel he had brought, made sure his hoverdolly with his luggage would follow him. His implant alerted him that he'd need to see the doctor before he left, to get the proper medical examination and possibly an implant.
The being behind the counter was a human with skin so dark it almost hurt the centaur's eyes, with bright neon-red hair buzzed close to the scalp, and a set of cybereyes that changed colors slowly.
The centaur found out he was supposed to get an implant that would clear his bloodstream of pathogens. Then he discovered his medical nanite implant was so old that the dark Terran could actually be in trouble with law enforcement if he let the centaur leave. Then the centaur found out he could have his crests implanted with tiny holoemitters that would let him display holographic messages and images right above the crests or on them. Then he found out that he could have his fur modified so he could change colors.
The dark Terran recommended that, seeing as the centaur's occupation was 'spy', that way the centaur could quickly and easily change the color and patterning of his hide. The centaur got a new datalink with more memory, better range, better software, and smaller size. With the left-over space that had been cut from his skull, the centaur got more memory, and a thing called a 'knowsoft' chipjack that he could just slot dedicated chips to have a whole wide variety of informational chips right where he wanted them. The centaur also got upgrades to his retinal link, then got something that looked really interesting for spies, which was a camera on his fingertip so he could look around corners to make sure nobody was waiting for him.
The centaur was surprised at how quickly it was all done. When he woke up he realized less than an hour had passed. His datalink felt less intrusive in his head somehow. The new one felt, well, warmer and softer somehow.
Then the centaur trotted down to the gift shop. Looking at everything he trembled with excitement. He had never seen so many different things that a being could buy just to show off that they had visited this planet.
He bought two pistols, both of them slug throwers, and a rifle with an underslung grenade rifle, and a thing called a pump action shotgun that could take all kinds of different ammunition, which, of course, he bought. He even bought the 'genuine leather' holsters and belts for them. He arranged them properly, according to the sign, made sure they were loaded, and trotted back out onto the concourse, heading for the rent-a-car area.
The being at the rent-a-car was a hologram who eventually got the centaur a proper car. The centaur rented it for a year with only 22.5% interest as well as non-refundable deposits, then while he was waiting, took his driver's test, passed, and had a license to drive printed out. He also did the tutorial for how to use the auto-drive and the VI assist drive then downloaded a map of the city.
The centaur could barely keep from rubbing his hands together. A complete city map, including important cultural areas, libraries of knowledge, theaters that would show more fictional creations, places to eat, something called a 'club' which made him wonder why a being would want to visit a building full of trencheons, a district lit only by red lights, a few parks, a park dedicated to amusement, something called a trolley that was apparently a kind of train, and a massive building called a mall that contained over three hundred stores, something called a roller-coaster, and all kinds of things that he knew he would have to investigate.
The being behind the counter let him know that his 'candy apple red convertible 8-cylinder Ford Viper IXVII' was ready. He went out, following the directions, and stared at the vehicle. It was an internal combustion engine with simulated exhaust system, the interior white leather. To the centaur it seemed to almost vibrate with a desire to go fast. Rubbing his hands together eagerly he got in the vehicle, activated the auto-drive, and had it drive him to a hotel. Looking around, he noticed something very different than all the other worlds he had been to.
Terrans seemed to enjoy clothing, although he saw that some of them were naked. He noted with interest that the Terrans who were naked were somehow blurring out their genitalia. The clothing seemed to be all kinds of colors and styles, a dizzying, blinding array that made him stare as he went by.
He even passed by what looked like a sword duel between a pair of large insects that had other insects watching. He spent the entire time sitting upright on the driver's couch, looking at all the sights around him, completely fascinated.
Finally he reached the hotel. A Terran in a uniform requested his 'car keys' and when given them took his vehicle away for parking. Satisfied at the proper respect from a servant he rubbed his hands together, went inside, and trotted up to the desk. The vehicle's VI had already reserved the room for him and he paid for it, then went to the elevator, taking it up to the penthouse.
The centaur couldn't believe what he found. Luxury equal to the Most Highs.
He moved over to what his datalink informed him was a bar and activated the holographic VI bartender.
"How may I help you, sir?" the hologram asked.
"Dry martini, shaken, not stirred," the centaur said, using the accent he'd perfected on the trip to Terra. He looked out the window. "Ya'ahrd, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd."
He sipped at the drink and smiled.
He had successfully made his insertion onto the Terran's homeworld. He would discover their secrets and make his daring escape.
It was good to be a Lanaktallan spy.
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submitted by Ralts_Bloodthorne to HFY

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