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My [22/f] ex [23/m] obsessed with minors and minor representations in porn and has tens of thousands of photos stored to his computer. Was he doing anything illegal based on his searches and saved media that warrants investigation?
(My apologies for any grammatical mistakes.) This builds up, so while the beginning might not seem warranted, I hope the addition of extra information paints a clearer picture for more rational judgement. This all happens in California.
I used to be in a relationship with someone who had a porn addiction and I believe they are a pedophile who may actually have stored media of minors on their computer. For starters, they are 23 years old and on the high-functioning autistic spectrum. We met online in our college town. I learned that they failed out of college after two years but stayed in the area since their parents were paying for their cost of living and they didn’t know he got dismissed from our school due to poor grades. Initially, they lied to me about being enrolled (even walking with me around campus with a backpack) but I learned they were not on the school directory. (Students remain on the directory for a year after they either graduate or are unenrolled). So, that means he was not enrolled for at least two years. Red flag—someone pretending to be a college student.
When I learned this, my heart sank because they would decline hanging out with me in the evening many times due to “homework” or “exams” which clearly could not happen given their dismissal. When I would ask about what sort of stuff they were learning in class (they said they were electrical engineering), they refused to talk about it because they “don’t like talking about that” and like keeping that stuff in their own head. Okay, well at the time, I accepted that.
Upon finding out they were not enrolled in our school, I became very investigative because it seemed any question I might have would be deflected or unanswered. Many times I would contact them I could not get through to them (sometimes days without hearing from them) and they would apologize and say they were busy and that I deserve better communication from them (despite them initially stating they value communication in relationships). I took their apologies and sucked up the neglected and abandoned feelings because he was only the second person I was in a relationship with and (unfortunately in my mind) better than my first (who would verbally put me down). Red flags were skewed and dismissed.
Eventually their parents also began contacting me because they were not hearing from him for weeks at a time. I learned that ever since he left their home for “college”, he basically stopped talking to them unless he needed money. His parents are both teachers, so my rationalization there is that they still see him as a little boy (who is autistic) and therefore cannot be negative or malicious. In their mind, he is probably anxious, stressed “with school”, etc., and thus habitually treat him like their students rather than their child. They do not combat him; whatever he says goes in order to keep peace. When they outreached to me, we chatted a bit (to get to know each other) and they expressed thankfulness that they could contact me when their son ignored their texts/calls/emails (they resorted to emailing too…). Through talking with them, that’s how I learned they didn’t know he wasn’t enrolled. They still thought he was taking classes and being very busy with school. Red flag – taking money from (already sort of poor) parents and lying to them.
He was really obsessed with cartoons, namely anime, and animation. As such, because of my unfamiliarity with Disney, he began showing me a lot of Disney movies and other movies from other studios. Initially, I thought it was cute because it seemed really pure. But after hearing about the purposeful communication issues with his parents and learning he was not in school, I decided to check his browser history to see what on earth he was doing with all that free time. He refused to watch movies from his computer (so we always used mine) because his computer did not have enough disk space to update certain Windows drivers. Red flag – how can someone be in school for electrical engineering when they can’t even use their computer for mid-sized files downloads? How was he supposed to do any coding, or use any large sized software like MATLAB? What on earth was he doing on his computer?
Porn. Tons on loli/lolita hentai, animated porn of every character possible, and real-people porn of “young teens”. They were obsessed with mind control/hypnosis porn, both real and animated. They used Firefox so I sorted their history from most visited sites (with the top being YouTube) and the second being a site for hentai, the third and fourth being for real people porn. Not even Google search engine was at the top. Going through it, I noticed every time we watched a Disney movie, either right before or right after would be tons of pornography of the female characters. He pushed me to dye my hair red and I can’t help but believe they wanted me to do that so I could look more like Ariel, the Disney character, because after doing that he made us watch the Little Mermaid. They had pornography of Pikachu getting anally raped (raped was in the title) by Ash. They had characters who were minors like Lilo and Stich. They would stay up until 5am some days reading hentai (and their browser history suggested it would be a continuous like 10 hours—which is addictive). When we watched Moana, they kept obsessing over her age and described her as the perfect character. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it, but now I wonder what they really meant when they kept saying things along the lines of, “She’s like the most perfectly developed character! And she’s only 8!”. The real-people porn they looked at all had the word “teen”. When I looked at his history, the last real-people porn he looked up was “young teen big boobs”. What the fuck, not just teen but YOUNG teen? I didn’t click on anything. Since he was using Firefox, I went to the Downloads tab and was able to click on the link that sends you to a file manager where the last downloaded stuff are saved.
He has organized folders for his porn. One folder had over 10,000+ photos of animated porn. Another folder had over 8,000+ photos of real-people porn with titles like “young teen spread”. There were other folders with thousands of photos as well. I was disgusted and angry and couldn’t’ scroll anymore. From thumbnail, I saw some animated photos he saved were animal-esque. This ran alarms in my head. I have 3 cats – 2 boys, 1 girl. All of them are sweethearts, namely the boys actually who are like the sweetest Velcro-cats you could imagine. Normally when people meet my cats, they like either one of the boys better than the others. (The girl is sweet but can be isolative.) Whenever my girl cat would be around us, he would say things like “get your cute little tush over her” and he kept referring to her by her “tush”….Again, initially, I thought it was sort of cute because my mind wasn’t thinking of it being anything gross, but given so many thumbnails from his animated folder had animated characters with tails, showing their butt with their tail in view, etc., I feel disgusted. It reminded me of him saying that he would always prefer a female dog over a male dog and if he had a choice, he would always have female dogs. (Yet again, at the time, I didn’t think anything negative. My rationalization was that male dogs can be a bit weird to be around when they start humping random things and when their gonads are exposed it can be sort of like a “hey bro cover up” sort of thing. If you don’t want to deal with those things, then yeah I guess a female dog is more suited (but if it’s a fluffy or neutered dog, those things don’t matter and honestly nor should they)). Now the intrusive thoughts I have revolve around him being into bestiality alongside minors. Why does he religiously look up young teens to the point of obsession, why does he religiously view violent/rape and mind controlling porn? I recall seeing a search query along the lines of “sexual harassment teen vids” from some months before the day I was on his computer. What the hell??
I didn’t know how to bring this up to them because clearly, I am in a wrong for going through their browser history (but before anybody states anything about that, that’s sort of expected for people these days since the computer shows a true side to many people, and I would not have done that if I didn’t have all the dishonest trusts about him piling up and warranting investigation). (I asked them to get me something in a grocery store while I was at their place and around their computer and asked to stay back. I only had about 10-15 minutes to browse).
I know people have fantasies and they can revel in those fantasies if they don’t act on it. But this person is obsessed. They were nights they slept over my home and I woke up to them trying to have sex with me which is so fucked up. This happened maybe 3-4 times before I snapped and they didn’t do it again. They would never ejaculate with me. I would perform oral on them and do pretty much anything they wanted but they could never ejaculate during regular intercourse. There was only one time they managed to and it was during our worst session—I was in pain and wanted to stop midway and began crying a bit and they managed to ejaculate from that. They would repeatedly put fingers in my rectum without my consent and I ended up getting a bacterial infection in my private area because they did not care about my own hygiene or wellbeing, which is why I was in pain to begin with when he somehow managed to ejaculate to my sort of weeping. I think porn skewed their minds for what intimacy is like. I believe they failed out of school because of their porn addiction. They cannot do coursework because it would mean having to delete the porn stored on their computer. They have an addiction and cannot do that. They cannot tell their parents they failed out of school because that would mean confessing about addiction and also feeling the shame of taking their money (for rent, gas, groceries, etc) under the guise of academic pursuit.
Because I only saw small thumbnails of the tens of thousands of porn he has stored on his computer (and I only had like 15 minutes), I evidently did not see everything (thank goodness). The search queries, his recent history, and more all suggest that he has very deviant sexual tendencies to the point of addiction. Because of the “young teen” tags he seems so obsessed with, I would not be surprised if those are actual minors…As such, I sincerely believe he has a lot of CP stored on his computer. I do not think he has any real bestiality on his computer but I think his interest with female animals (and being very into my girl cat’s “tush” yet ignoring my other objectively sweeter cats) is questionable. I have no doubt he is a pedophile, though, and actively searches for porn of the most controlling type (mind control and minors).
Furthermore, another thing that reinforced that he is a pedophile was our conversations regarding politics and religion. When we talked about politics, many times they would end up swaying the conversation towards the Epstein stuff. He expressed (verbally) disgust to all of that stuff but why bring it up so often and why try to intertwine it into conversations that didn’t revolve around that in the first place? Maybe guilt? When we talked about religion, they would sway the conversation to be about the Catholic Church’s pedophilic tendencies and cover-ups. Verbally, they were against it but in hindisight, I think the verbal denouncement of those things were supposed to be compensation for their core obsession with minors (and it seems animals?).
I internalized all of this for a couple days until one day (while he was in bed next to me) I noticed he was using his phone (turned away from me, though) and masturbating discreetly (or attempting to). I saw that he was scrolling through a bunch of photos and going between different tabs. I asked him if I could see what he was looking at and this mofo actually gave me his phone and then tried fondling me. I think he probably thought I would get turned on? And would indulge him? I let him fondle me for a few seconds as I looked thru the tabs. It was stuff like Chel from Disney getting raped, Lilo and Stich, and real people porn of “teen big boobs”, “asian teen big boobs”, etc. He never seemed to watch anything with real people that didn’t have the teen title which is so fucking gross because it means its purposeful. It’s not like he’s going thru random pics or videos and happens to stumble upon one with that in the title. He's actively searching for “teens” or “young teens”. I snapped and called him retarded and sexually dysfunctional. I called him a disgusting pedophile. He quickly put clothes and verbatim said, “I want to break up”. And he left my home shortly after. He blocked me from contacting him. It turns out he actually went back home to his parents and completely left our city.
I used to be really friendly with his roommate and his roommate’s girlfriend. After he left, they ignored me. When I would see the girl, normally we would be all girly and be like “omg heeeey what’s up?!?!” and when I last saw her, she purposefully avoided me, looked down, and didn't even smile. His parents never contacted me, so I decided to try and contact them and both of them blocked me. I do not know what he told his parents or his roommate. I am surprised he went back to his parents but it makes sense because he went back around the time of when he was supposed to “be finished with school”. So I do not know if his parents think he graduated his last June or if they actually know the truth (because he wouldn’t be getting a physical diploma and that would be fishy). But the people who were so thankful for me and who praised their God for bringing me into them and their son’s life suddenly has no contact with me.
I don’t know what he said the reason for our break-up was, but I’m pretty sure he defamed me out of his own shame. It’s probably one of those things where suddenly the good girlfriend turns “crazy” or “abusive” (maybe because I called him retarded, dysfunctional, and a pedophile in my emotional outcry and reactivity, which I do not believe was unjustified. It may not have been justified but it was also not unjustified given the situation.). Not even 5 minutes had gone by when I exposed him and showed my disgust for what he’s obsessed with, he broke up and ran away. I was given no explanation, nothing, which for me consolidates that he IS indeed a pedo and likely has CP on his computer that he cannot fathom deleting in favor of academic pursuit. He ran away so quickly from a relationship. While a short relationship (6 months), that was still a chunk of time. I ended up texting with another (online) number and he wrote, “Your input and considerations are not valued…Please leave me and my family alone”. I sincerely believe he has CP on his computer. I do not know for sure because I did not look at full photos out of disgust and because there were SO many.
I feel compelled to report him but when I talked to my therapist about it, he said I would probably embarrass myself. That deterred me from telling anyone except my parents. (It’s interesting because my dad said his first impression of my ex was that there is something deviant about him and he would not be good for me. My father has spent over a decade working as a psychiatric nurse and in his youth was sexually abused by numerous family members, which I think made him keen at seeing trends in people who have deviant obsessive interests). All of the stuff above makes me uneasy.
Lying to me about being enrolled in our college, lying about doing hw/exams to not see me for days on end because it turns out he’s masturbating to sexualized minors, and then running away when mildly confronted about his minor-esque porn addiction does not seem like it should be kept silenced. Does that warrant telling someone in the legal realm? Do I report him somewhere? Do I just leave it alone? I don’t want to just leave it alone because I don’t think it should; filling up an entire computer of just porn with repeated teen tags alongside animated minors/lolita hentai, cartoons with animals/animal-esque things getting raped, etc. is not okay. I don’t know what to do, though, much less if anything can be done at all. For all I know, what if he deleted stuff from his computer since he went home? What if he got an external hard-drive to save everything on? He’s been “caught” so what if he tries to remedy that and I do end up embarrassing myself if an investigation doesn’t show anything of interest? Please help and advise. I feel tormented by the thumbnails I saw and all the intrusive thoughts I have going through my head. I can't stomach the notion of keeping silence about this.
(Also, please don’t turn this into a post that’s like “stop kink shaming, he hasn’t actually raped a minor so leave him alone. You had no right to go on his computer.” Orgasms are one of the most powerful tools for classical conditioning. He is repeatedly conditioning himself to get off to minors and his viewing habits are extreme. He is only 23 and as time goes on, that addiction is going to get worse, his viewing tendencies are going to get more extreme, and he is likely going to run away from any essence of exposure. He is not even able to ejaculate with a partner unless they are evidently not enjoying it. He is a dual citizen of the US and the Netherlands and has said that he sometimes feels like escaping to the Netherlands, which is now a big red flag for me. His parents seem to baby him so I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually tells them he wants to go there and they give him money to do so, only to have him ignore them for weeks on end. There is something wrong with him and I think he will only evolve into a more deviant person who builds on manipulative tendencies to shroud themselves. Please, read this with cognitive groundedness. I am sincerely seeking (kindly spoken, please) advice because I am flustered with all the intrusive negative thoughts going through my mind still.) Thank you for reading this (long) post and I hope all is well and healthy with everyone.
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